counterclockwise
by antiwifi
Summary: A story where two people who aren't meant to be together fall in love. A story where hearts are murdered, and hopes are crushed. A story where one soul is split apart, where two people find themselves in the wrong body, the wrong love, and the wrong feelings. A story, simply to say, where love shows no mercy. a rin x len story
1. Prelude 00:01

_『_ music _』_

 _Hikari, Hikari_ [kagamine rin & len]

 _Prisoner_ [kagamine len]

 _Feathers Across the Seasons_ [kagamine rin & len]

 _00:01_

 _Rain._

 _The one thing that lets me know that the world I'm living in is reality._

 _Because as the rain goes_

 _ **pitter patter**_

 _On the sidewalk_

 _Down my hair_

 _Into my eyes_

 _And through my heart,_

 _I breathe_

 _Knowing that the end is near._

『 counterclockwise 』

 _rin_

It was probably that moment.

That moment when we were sharing our mother's womb, that some otherworldly connection on some other bullshit intellectual level, that made us click.

Born of the same womb, same time, _same future._

Because that's what we were destined to be.

We were destined to be closer than any lovers could be, **than** any siblings could be, destined to hold the same path in our little palms.

Destined to share one soul.

And I take this time to wonder, to really think:

What would it be like if we weren't bound by this connection?

If this bond never existed?

Would things be different then?

"Oi, Len... Oi! LEN!" I scream in his ear as he is curled up wrapped in a blanket.

He shoots out of bed, colliding his head with mine. I clutch my forehead in pain.

"I-ittai!"

Len glances at me, his cerulean eyes widening, "Ah...gomen Rin." He yawns, while mussing his hair. His hair disheveled, he stares at me with a grin.

"Ohayou Rin!"

I sigh, and walk towards the door, narrowly avoiding tripping on the miscellaneous objects on the floor.

"You better get up soon, breakfast is on the table."

Len jumps out of the car, his easy gait quickly overtaking my petite steps. Girls, from first-years to fourth-years- stare, shriek, and whisper about Kagamine Len.

Kagamine Len was the spitting image of me, male edition.

Blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and an easy smile; that was enough to make any girl at our school crazy for the school's _Ouji-sama._

 _"Len, congratulations. I hear that you are taking over your father's company?"_

 _"Ne, Rin, can't you be more like your brother? He's so calm, kind, and handsome, don't you think you should at least put in half the effort he does?"_

 _"Len."_

 _"Len, congrats."_

 _"Len, you're so capable."_

 _"Len."_

 _"Len"_

 **Len.**

Compared to my brother I am many things.

A delinquent.

An ill mannered person.

Unladylike.

Too quiet.

Fucked up.

 _Alone._

Once upon a time, Len and I shared the same golden locks and identical shining eyes.

Once upon a time, I was respected, revered, and adored.

Once upon a time, people cared for me.

 _Once upon a time, I was happy too._

 **hello! .**

 **I really hope you enjoyed this! Rin and Len are literally my OTP for vocaloid ahhhh.**

 **hehe.**

 **Anyway, yes, this is a twincest, so if you are uncomfortable with it, please kindly leave.**

 **Thank you!**

 **PS: this is an angsty romance, so I hope you do prepare tissues because I will do my best to make you cry.**

 **rawr.**


	2. scratch 00:02

_00:02_

I look ahead to see Len surrounded by a group consisting of his friends, and fans.

Two girls desperately clutches at Len's arms, him not bothering to shake them off.

And there he is, Kagamine Len, in all his glory, parading down the hallway flanked by girls, friends, and admirers.

Following them, I quickly scurry inside my classroom, taking my seat in the corner of the room. I take out my phone and a pair of earphones, plug them in, and then turn on an alternative station. I settle my head in my arms and I look out the window.

 _"_ _I should go to the roof for lunch today, no one should be up there."_

When the sensei comes in and begins the lecture, I slowly daze off, my head floating off into the depths of the clouds.

 ** _The Roof_**

I am perched on the railing of the roof, only the wire fencing in front protecting me from falling.

But there was still that little crevice, that space where if I slipped from my spot, I'd fall down fast.

Like the space between the platform and the actual steps to the train.

The place where the conductor goes out of his way to say

 _Watch your step._

I sometimes pondered the idea of life after death. If suffering would really disappear if one were to end their life.

If happiness could spring at the end.

And a new beginning would start.

Sometimes I wondered if my deeds were great enough to go to heaven, and roam with the angels above.

Or if there was some _limbo_ area where people like me- those who did both good and bad- would go.

Or if they wouldn't allow any person with any speck of badness in their hearts enter the gates of Heaven.

What if someone didn't _watch their step_?

What if someone, without being able to rectify all the bad they've done with good, fell in that instant?

I carefully observe my arms, limbs, and fingers.

I see the scars of relentless scratching of pain, struggling for ease, some kind of high that could release me from the horrible, _horrible_ suffering that I felt.

Would even going to hell make this life, _this screwed up life_ , any better?

I breathe.

Slowly I begins to inch my bottom forward, one centimeter at a time.

I release her feet from the diamond shaped holes in the fencing.

 _Shuffle_

 _Shuffle_

 _Shuffle_

 _Relea-_

"Ne ne, Len, this looks like a nice place to play, hmm?" A seductive voice purrs, knocking Rin out of her movements. I turn, before hopping off the rail, my legs buckling slightly as the weight of my torso carried through. The tremor of pressure made its way to my thighs, and the sting of blood rush came.

I scamper past the couple sitting on the bench, my eyes narrowly missing the blonde haired twin of mine currently tugging on a girl's hair, whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

As I turn and close the door behind me, my eyes meet familiar blue ones.

Looking away, I run down the stairs as fast as I can, ignoring the burning sensation of a cut opening building up in my legs.

 _"_ _Mama! Mama!"_

 _Her mother turned and beamed at her little girl._

 _"_ _Rin! How was school today? Sakura-sensei told me your class drew today! What did you draw?"_

 _I hurriedly rummaged through my school backpack, eager to show her the drawing of me, Len, Mommy, and Daddy._

 _"_ _Look Momma look!"_

 _She looked at it in surprise, then evidence of happiness was clearly projected on her face._

 _"_ _Wahh RIn, you're very talented! Is that a picture of you and Len with Mom and Dad?"_

 _I nodded quickly and repeatedly, my head bobbing up and down._

 _"_ _Well, I know who's amazing picture is going on the refrigerator today!"_

 _"_ _Yay! Yay!"_

 _I woke up in the middle of the night, suddenly thirsty. I climbed down the stairs to go to Mommy's room so she could get me water. I was too short to get it myself._

 _I approached her room and I heard muffled noises. A weird springy sound came out of the room, like the sound me and Len make when we jump on the bed._

 _Thump_

 _Thump_

 _I suddenly heard silence, so I assumed that Mommy and Daddy decided to go to sleep. Usually Mommy was awake so she could get me water, but I guess not this night._

I sit up, my breathing hitched and coming out in short gasps.

Every night.

 _Every single fucking night._

This dream, no _nightmare_ , is slowly driving me insane, forcing me into a corner where I can't drive myself out. Where no matter how hard I pinch myself, I won't wake up.

I can't ever wake up from this nightmare, even if I wake up before the dream ends, I know what happens next. I can't wake up, because I am living this nightmare.

Every day, every moment I do, speak, think, or breathe, is another moment where I am constantly reminded of the fact that i should be feeling the pain for what I did.

My fingers itch for skin, my legs begging for pain.

I scratch.

What I did.

 _Scratch_

What I didn't do.

 _Scratch_

I never tried to stop.

 _Scratch_

All my fucking fault.

 _Drip._

Guess I'm going to hell after all.

 **HELLLOOOOOOOOO!  
Yeah… I guess it must be strange to have such a happy go lucky greeting after reading a decently morbid story…hahaha… **

**So i tried to make it longer, but I kinda like how this chapter ends, so I'll leave this chapter at that.**

 **Sowwy for the like boringness and bare minimal of Len and Rin interaction.**

 **Senpai don't hate me!**


	3. cradle 00:03

_00:03_

I wrap my arms with gauze, making sure to seal the cuts properly. I then move onto my legs, repeating the same process.

 _"_ _Hehehehe… look at this pretty girl."_

I cringe as the flesh feels constrained, the white material digging into my skin.

 _"_ _So milky-white and pure. Just as pretty as her mother, maybe even prettier. Looks fun to ruin."_

I unsteadily stand up, testing the durability of the gauze.

 _"_ _Get her, boys."_

I stumble.

 _"_ _AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

I take out my math notebook, a mechanical pencil, an eraser, and a calculator. Len comes in as usual flanked by girls. I recognize them as Miku and Luka, two very admired girls in the school. Miku was a wealthy heiress well known for a talent in singing, while Luka was a curvy model who was on the cover of almost every popular magazine in our city.

Unbeknownst to many of the students in the school, I was their main target for bullying.

I never knew why.

Maybe it was because of my lone personality, my insufferable attitude of which that seems as if I treat others as if they were below me.

Maybe because of how hard I was to look at.

Maybe just because I was made up of ratty hair, skin and bones, and a sullen outlook life made me an easy target.

Maybe because I was just a freak, who listened to emo music and cut herself, that pissed the goddamn girls off so much.

Well.

 _Who knows?_

"Please turn your page to 174 in your textbook please. We will be covering midpoint formulas today."

I open my textbook to find dark marker condemning me with words.

 _SLUT_

 _whore_

 _freak_

 _LOSER_

 _Bitch_

How mature.

I slowly walk down the deserted hallway, my steps creating a ricocheting sound. Just as I reach my hand out to the door handle, a pair of arms grabs me from behind.

My eyes widen.

 _"_ _Get over here, on the bed, now."_

 _When I didn't reply, he yanked me by my shoulders and threw me onto the bed._

 _"_ _Punishment are for those who have been naughty. And you…pretty one…"_

 _He took a strand of my hair._

 _"_ _-Are naughty." He pulled my hair._

I am now in a state of panic. I kick, and I flail.

I am thrown against a wall, and I raise my eyes to my oppressors.

Three buff men are in front of me, a smug snarl gracing their faces.

"Miku-sama picked a deprived girl didn't she?" The one on the left inquires, looking me up and down. I shrink from his gaze, not so subtlety crossing my arms.

The one in the middle nods in disgust, "Look how skinny she is, how the hell we gonna teach her a lesson without feeling like a fuckin' pedo?"

The last man smirks, "Well, I dunno about you guys, but I like my girls delicate. Little girls are like those cute lolitas, they turn me on."

My vision blurs with tears as they come closer.

 _It's been a long time since this sort of thing happened. If there was one thing I learned, it was not to struggle. The situation would get worse. Don't worry Rin, it will be over soon._

"Oy? What's going on here?"

"Shit, we're gonna get discovered. Lets go."

I smell the scent of the ground, it's earthy, and somewhat comforting.

My uniform has already been torn, bra unclipped, panties pushed down. From the slight throb and the short amount of time that passed, I was only violated by maybe fingers.

"Rin? Rin! RIN!"

Uniform clad arms pick me up, nestling my head in the crook of the person's neck.

The person cradles me, whispering to me softly:

 _It's going to be alright._

I stare in to the sky, blonde locks of hair hanging over my head. I am struck with a case of deja vu, and I remember a memory from long ago, a memory when I was happy.

 _I stumbled along the path. I saw Len ahead so I rushed my little legs to carry myself to Len._

 _Thump_

 _"_ _I-Ittai!"_

 _I stared at the ground, willing myself not to cry._

 _"_ _Rin! Rin! Are you okay?"_

 _Len came over and sat down on the path, laying my head on his lap._

 _"_ _It's okay Rin, wherever you are, and whenever, I will always be there for you."_

 _I hugged Len, "Love you Lenny!"_

I awaken to the smell… of the infirmary. I slowly sit up and look around. I see nothing but the nurse's office, two other beds, and a sink and cabinet.

"You finally awake?"

I pause at the intrusion. This voice, I would recognize anywhere.

I turn, "Were you the one who stopped them?"

He nods, and I bow my head in thanks.

"Arigatou."

I raise my head and meet his gaze and am surprised to see such a painful look in his expression.

"Ne, Rin, why are you so formal with me? We used to be close…we are siblings you know?"

I look him square in the eye, "You stopped being my twin brother after…the incident. You never asked how I was, how I coped. You didn't care. You moved on to being the school's Golden Boy."

His head dips, shielding his eyes, his expression but a shadow.

As he speaks, his voice trembles, "You think I never cared?" I cared…I cared a lot!"

His head suddenly shoots up and tears are spilling out under his lashes.

"I-I had no idea how to approach you. You were so cold, so cut off from the world. We were already distanced several months before Mom's d-death, and I had no fucking clue how to close our distance! Our bond was already severed by then! H-her death just sealed the deal…"

I could see that you were suffering, I could see that you were in pain! But i didn't do anything at all because I was a coward, a coward who was too afraid to try and help his sister when we ere both being killed inside."

I am shocked by his confession, searching his eyes, seeing nothing but sincere and distraught blue eyes.

"Please Rin, I miss our old bond,the one where we were closer than anyone else could be. Rin…" He reaches a hand out.

I flinch from his extended hand.

"Rin…are-are you afraid of me?"

I shake my head, "No, I'm afraid that I'll become close to you, and lose you too. Len, The best thing for you to do is to stay away."

"Rin-"

"STAY AWAY! JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME."

His eyes hold hurt and disappointment.

"Ju-Just, leave, now."

He walks away, and just before exiting the door, he turns, obviously hoping for a change in mind.

I turn my face away.

I hear retreating footsteps.

 _I can't let him be tangled in my mess, my issues, my screwed up past._

 _I can't let him be hurt._

 _I can't let Len die too._

 _I must sacrifice._

 **MMKAY! HAIIIII!**

 **Kay, some Len and Rin interaction, while not romantic…Honestly, I'm planning for them to end up getting closer to each other, but romantic interaction wont be happening for a while. I'm not sure if this is becoming mature content yet…there is a lot of language and morbid themes like self harm, rape, violence, incest, etc…so I might have to change that…**


End file.
